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Howells, William Dean, 1837-1920

"The Elevator"

CAMPBELL, looking tranquilly round on the faces of his
interrogators: "Is it a conundrum?"
MRS. ROBERTS, mingling a real distress with an effort of mock-heroic
solemnity: "It is a tragedy! O Willis dear! it's what you see--what
you hear; a niece without an aunt, a wife without a husband, a father
without a son, and another father without a daughter."
ROBERTS: "And a dinner getting cold, and a cook getting hot."
LAWTON: "And you are expected to account for the whole situation."
CAMPBELL: "Oh, I understand! I don't know what your little game is,
Agnes, but I can wait and see. I'M not hungry."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Willis, do you think I would try and play a trick on
you, if I could?"
CAMPBELL: "I think you can't. Come, now, Agnes! It's a failure.
Own up, and bring the rest of the company out of the next room. I
suppose almost anything is allowable at this festive season, but this
is pretty feeble."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Indeed, indeed, they are not there."
CAMPBELL: "Where are they, then?"
ALL: "That's what we don't know."
CAMPBELL: "Oh, come, now! that's a little too thin. You don't know
where ANY of all these blood-relations and connections by marriage
are? Well, search me!"
MRS.


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