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Wood, Eugene, 1860-1923

"Back Home"

Is it a gold watch?"
"Nope."
"Aw, now! I jist set my heart on a gold watch and chain."
"Well, but it'd cost more money 'n I got. Three or fifteen dollars,
mebby."
"Well, let me see. Is it a shotgun?"
"No, sir. Oh, you just can't guess it."
"Is it a - a - Is it a horse and buggy?"
"Aw, now, you're foolin'. No, it ain't a horse and buggy."
"I know what it is. It's a dolly with real hair that you can comb,
and all dressed up in a blue dress. One that can shut its eyes
when it goes bye-bye."
Little Mary Ellen looks at him very seriously a minute, and sighs,
and says: "No, it ain't that. But if it was, wouldn't you let me
play with it when you was to the store?" And he catches her up
in his arms and says: "You betchy! Now, I ain't goin' to guess any
more! I want to be surprised. You jump down an' run an' ask Ma
if supper ain't most ready. Tell her I'm as hungry as a hound pup."
He hears her deliver the message, and also the word her mother sends
back: "Tell him to hold his horses. It 'll be ready in a minute."
"It will, eh? Well, I can't wait a minute, an' I'm goin' to take a
hog-bite right out of YOU!" and he snarls and bites her right in
the middle of her stomach, and if there is anything more
ticklesome than that, it hasn't been heard of yet.


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