I neglected my clients
and my own business to give myself to the contemplation
of the mysteries which I had once beheld, yet which I could impart
to no one, and found daily more difficult to reproduce even before
my own mental vision.
One day, about eleven months after my return from Spaceland,
I tried to see a Cube with my eye closed, but failed;
and though I succeeded afterwards, I was not then quite certain
(nor have I been ever afterwards) that I had exactly realized
the original. This made me more melancholy than before,
and determined me to take some step; yet what, I knew not.
I felt that I would have been willing to sacrifice my life
for the Cause, if thereby I could have produced conviction.
But if I could not convince my Grandson, how could I convince
the highest and most developed Circles in the land?
And yet at times my spirit was too strong for me, and I gave vent
to dangerous utterances. Already I was considered heterodox
if not treasonable, and I was keenly alive to the danger
of my position; nevertheless I could not at times refrain
from bursting out into suspicious or half-seditious utterances,
even among the highest Polygonal and Circular society.
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