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Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander), 1882-1956

"Second Plays"

Yes, sir, about that.
OLIVER. Any doubloons?
PIRATE. Hundreds of 'em.
OLIVER. Ingots of gold?
PIRATE. Lashings of 'em.
JILL. And he's going to polish up the four-pounder until I can see my
face in it.
OLIVER. I was just going to ask you about your guns. You've got 'em
fore and aft of course?
PIRATE. Yes, sir. A four-pounder fore and a half-pounder haft.
OLIVER (a little embarrassed). And do you ever have brothers-in-law in
your ship?
PIRATE. Well, I never have had yet, but I have always been looking
about for one.
JILL. Oh, Oliver, isn't Eric a _nice_ man?
OLIVER (casually). I suppose the captain's brother-in-law is generally
the first man to board the Spaniard with his cutlass between his
teeth?
PIRATE. You might almost say always. Many a ship on the Spanish Main
I've had to leave unboarded through want of a brother-in-law. They're
touchy about it somehow. Unless the captain's brother-in-law comes
first they get complaining.
OLIVER (bashfully). And there's just one other thing. If the
brigantine happened to put in at an island for water, and the
captain's brother-in-law happened--just happened--to be a silly ass
and go and marry a dusky maiden, whom he met on the beach---
PIRATE.


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