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Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander), 1882-1956

"Second Plays"

)
CHIEF. She couldn't. History hopeless.
1ST PIRATE. History hopeless.
CHIEF (to GOVERNESS). What else do you teach?
GOVERNESS. Music, dancing--er--but I don't think---
CHIEF. Steward!
STEWARD (coming in). Yes, sir, coming, sir.
CHIEF. Concertina.
STEWARD (going out). Yes, sir, going, sir.
CHIEF (to GOVERNESS). Can you dance a hornpipe?
GOVERNESS. No, I---
CHIEF. Dancing dubious.
1ST PIRATE (writing). Dancing dubious.
STEWARD (coming in). Concertina, sir.
CHIEF. Give it to the woman. (He takes it to her.)
GOVERNESS. I'm afraid I---(She produces one ghastly noise and drops
the concertina in alarm.)
1ST PIRATE (writing). What shall I say, sir? Music mouldy or music
measly?
CHIEF (standing up). Gentlemen, I think you will agree with me that
the woman Pinniger has proved that she is utterly incapable of
teaching anybody anything. Twenty-five years, man and boy, I have
sailed the Spanish Main, and with the possible exception of a dumb and
half-witted negro whom I shipped as cook in '64, I have never met any
one so profoundly lacking in intellect. I propose, therefore, that for
the space of twenty-four hours the woman Pinniger should be
incarcerated in the smuggler's cave, in the company of a black beetle
of friendly temperament.


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