Slowly Christie gathered her energies after weeks of suffering, and
took up her life again, grateful for the gift, and anxious to be
more worthy of it. Looking back upon the past she felt that she had
made a mistake and lost more than she had gained in those three
years. Others might lead that life of alternate excitement and hard
work unharmed, but she could not. The very ardor and insight which
gave power to the actress made that mimic life unsatisfactory to the
woman, for hers was an earnest nature that took fast hold of
whatever task she gave herself to do, and lived in it heartily while
duty made it right, or novelty lent it charms. But when she saw the
error of a step, the emptiness of a belief, with a like earnestness
she tried to retrieve the one and to replace the other with a better
substitute.
In the silence of wakeful nights and the solitude of quiet days, she
took counsel with her better self, condemned the reckless spirit
which had possessed her, and came at last to the decision which
conscience prompted and much thought confirmed.
"The stage is not the place for me," she said. "I have no genius to
glorify the drudgery, keep me from temptation, and repay me for any
sacrifice I make.
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