He says th' more he practises
medicine th' more he becomes a janitor with a knowledge iv cookin'. He
says if people wud on'y call him in befure they got sick, he'd abolish
ivry disease in th' ward except old age an' pollyticks. He says he's
lookin' forward to th' day whin th' tillyphone will ring an' he'll hear
a voice sayin': 'Hurry up over to Hinnissy's. He niver felt so well in
his life.' 'All right, I'll be over as soon as I can hitch up th'
horse. Take him away fr'm th' supper table at wanst, give him a pipeful
iv tobacco an' walk him three times around th' block.'
"But whin a man's sick, he's sick an' nawthin' will cure him or
annything will. In th' old days befure ye an' I were born, th' doctor
was th' barber too. He'd shave ye, cut ye'er hair, dye ye'er mustache,
give ye a dhry shampoo an' cure ye iv appindicitis while ye were havin'
ye'er shoes shined be th' naygur. Ivry gineration iv doctors has had
their favrite remedies. Wanst people were cured iv fatal maladies be
applications iv blind puppies, hair fr'm the skulls iv dead men an'
solutions iv bat's wings, just as now they're cured be dhrinkin' a
tayspoonful iv a very ordhinary article iv booze that's had some kind iv
a pizenous weed dissolved in it.
"Dhrugs, says Dock O'Leary, are a little iv a pizen that a little more
iv wud kill ye.
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