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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"


"Yes, sir, canary bur-rd seed is free. What else? Lookin' down th' list
I see that divvy-divvy is free also. This was let in as a compliment to
Sinitor Aldhrich. It's his motto. Be th' inthraduction iv this harmless
dhrug into th' discussion he's been able to get a bill through that's
satisfacthry to ivrywan. But I am surprised to see that spunk is on th'
free list. Is our spunk industhree dead? Is there no pathrite to demand
that we be proticted against th' pauper spunk iv Europe? Maybe me frind
Willum Taft had it put on th' free list. I see in a pa-aper th' other
day that what was needed at th' White house was a little more spunk. But
does he have to import it fr'm abroad, I ask ye? Isn't there enough
American spunk?
"Well, sir, there are a few iv th' things that are on th' free list. But
there are others, mind ye. Here's some iv thim: Apatite, hog bristles,
wurruks iv art more thin twinty years old, kelp, marshmallows, life
boats, silk worm eggs, stilts, skeletons, turtles, an' leeches. Th' new
tariff bill puts these familyar commodyties within th' reach iv all. But
there's a bigger surprise waitin' for ye. What d'ye think ends th' free
list? I'll give ye twinty chances an' ye'll niver guess. Blankets? No.
Sugar? Wrong.


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