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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

A judge listens to a case f'r days an' hears, while he's
figurin' a possible goluf score on his blotting pad, th' argymints iv
two or three lawyers that no wan wud dare to offer a judgeship to.
Gin'rally speakin', judges are lawyers. They get to be judges because
they have what Hogan calls th' joodicyal timp'ramint, which is why
annybody gets a job. Th' other kind people won't take a job. They'd
rather take a chance. Th' judge listens to a case f'r days an' decides
it th' way he intinded to. D'ye find th' larned counsel that's just
been beat climbin' up on th' bench an' throwin' his arms around th'
judge? Ye bet ye don't. He gathers his law books into his arms, gives
th' magistrate a look that means, 'There's an eliction next year', an'
runs down th' hall to another judge. Th' other judge hears his kick an'
says he: 'I don't know annything about this here case except what ye've
whispered to me, but I know me larned collague an' I wuddent thrust him
to referee a roller-skatin' contest. Don't pay th' fine till ye hear
fr'm me.' Th' on'y wan that bows to th' decision is th' fellow that won,
an' pretty soon he sees he's made a mistake, f'r wan day th' other coort
comes out an' declares that th' decision of th' lower coort is another
argymint in favor iv abolishing night law schools.


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