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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

No wan has thried to rob him iv th'
privilege won f'r him be his ancestors iv bein' quickly an' completely
hanged. A photygraph iv him is took without a collar, he's yanked befure
an awful coort iv justice, a deef-mute lawyer is appinted to look afther
his inthrests an' see that they don't suffer be bein' kept in th' stuffy
atmosphere iv th' coortroom, th' State's attorney presints a handsome
pitcher iv him as a fiend in human form, th' judge insthructs th' jury
iv onprejudiced jurors in a hurry to get home that they ar-re th' sole
judges iv th' law an' th' fact, th' law bein' that he ought to be hanged
an' th' fact bein' that he will be hanged, an' befure our proletory
frind comes out iv his thrance he's havin' his first thorough fill-up iv
ham an' eggs, an' th' clargy ar-re showin' an amount iv inthrest in him
that must be surprisin' to a man iv his humble station.
"A few days later I r-read in th' pa-apers in a column called 'Brief
News Jottings,' just below a paragraph about th' meetin' iv th'
Dairyman's Assocyation, an account iv how justice has pursooed her grim
coorse in th' case iv John Adamowski. An' I'm thankful to know that th'
law has been avinged, that life an' property again ar-re safe in our
fair land iv freedom, an' that th' wretched criminal lived long enough
to get all he wanted to eat.


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