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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"


"But suppose ye have a little iv th' useful with ye. Ye br-reak into
Hogan's house some night sufferin' fr'm an incontrollable impulse to
take his watch. Don't get mad, now. I'm on'y supposin' all this. Ye
wudden't take his watch. He has no watch. Well, he's sound asleep. Ye
give him a good crack on th' head so he won't be disturbed, an' hook th'
clock fr'm undher th' pillow. Th' next day ye're arristed. Th' pa-apers
comes out with th' news: 'Haughty sign iv wealthy fam'ly steals watch
fr'm awful Hogan. Full account iv dhreadful career iv th' victim.
Unwritten law to be invoked,' an' there's an article to show that anny
wan has a right to take Hogan's watch, that he was not a proper man to
have th' care iv a watch, annyhow, an' that ye done well to hook it.
This is always th' first step to'rd securin' cold justice f'r th' rich.
Ye're next ilicted a mimber iv nearly all th' ministers' assocyations,
an' finally, in ordher that th' law may be enfoorced without regard to
persons, an expert witness is hired f'r ye.
"Th' thrile begins. Ye walk in with a quick, nervous sthride an' set th'
watch be th' coort clock. 'Ar-re ye guilty or not guilty?' says th'
clerk. 'Guilty an' glad iv it,' says ye'er lawyer amid cheers an'
hisses.


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