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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

'Th' statues, with which me larned
frind is no doubt familiar, though I be darned if he shows it, f'rbids
th' mention iv th' days iv th' week.' 'Scratch out Winsday an'
substichoot four o'clock in Janooary,' says th' coort. 'Now, how does
th' sentence r-read?' 'Th' next day was four o'clock in Janooary--an'
supposin' th' amount iv money, an' supposin' ye haven't got a very large
salary holdin' th' chair iv conniption fits at th' college, an'
supposin' ye don't get a cent onless ye answer r-right, I ask ye, on th'
night in question whin th' pris'ner grabbed th' clock, was he or was he
not funny at th' roof?' 'I objict to th' form iv question,' says th'
State's attorney. 'In th' eighth sintince I move to sthrike out th'
wurrud and as unconstitutional, unprofissyonal, an' conthry to th'
laws iv evidence.' 'My Gawd, has my clint no rights in this coort?' says
th' other lawyer. 'Ye bet he has,' says th' coort. 'We'll sthrike out
th' wurrud and but well substichoot th' more proper wurrud
"aloofness."
"'Did ye see th' pris'ner afther his arrest?' 'I did.' 'Where?' 'In th'
pa-apers.' 'What was he doin'?' 'His back was tur-rned.' 'What did that
indicate to ye?' 'That he had been sufferin' fr'm a variety iv tomaine
excelsis--' 'Greek wurruds,' says th' coort.


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