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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

Why should he? Who wud feed th' goold fish
while he was gone?
"No, sir, he does just right. Instead iv venturin' into th' wilds an'
p'raps bein' et up be wan iv his fav'rite charackters, he calls f'r some
tea an' toast, jabs his pen into th' inkwell, an' writes: 'Vichtry was
not long in th' grasp iv th' whale. Befure he cud return to his burrow
Tusky Bicuspid had seized him be th' tail an' dashed his brains out agin
a rock. With a leap in th' air th' bold wolf put to rout a covey iv
muskrats, those evil sojers iv fortune that ar-re seen hoverin' over
ivry animile battlefield. Wan blow iv his paw broke th' back iv th'
buffalo. With another he crushed a monsthrous sage hen, at wanst th'
most threacherous an' th' hardiest iv th' beasts iv th' wild. Paralyzed
be th' boldness iv th' wolf, th' camel an' th' auk fled fr'm th' scene
iv havoc, as is their wont. All that remained iv his inimies now was th'
cow, which defied him fr'm the branches iv a pine tree an' pelted him
with th' monsthrous fruit iv this cillybrated viggytable. Now, it is
well known that however aven they may be in a boording house, th' wolf
is no match f'r a cow in a tree. But this was no ordhinary wolf. As he
heerd th' low cry iv' his mate he was indowed with th' strength iv a
thousand piany movers.


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