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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

Sullivans establish th' new record f'r th' leap through
th' window. Whin I want a hero, I want a good wan. I don't care whether
'tis a wolf, a sojer, or a Prisident. It all comes to th' same
thing--whether 'tis Hogan's frind, th' Wolf that he's been talkin' about
f'r a year, or that other old frind iv his that he used to talk
about--what d'ye call him?--ah, where's me mind goin'?--Ivanhoe.
"But Tiddy Rosenfelt don't feel that way about it. He's called down thim
nature writers just th' same way he'd call me down if I wint befure th'
fifth grade at th' Brothers' school an' told thim what I thought wud
inthrest thim about Dock Haggerty. What does he say? I'll tell ye. 'I do
not wish to be harsh,' says he, 'but if I wanted to charackterize these
here nature writers, I wud use a much shorter an' uglier wurrud thin
liar, if I cud think iv wan, which I cannot. Ye take, f'r example,
What's-his-name. Has this man iver been outside iv an aviary? I doubt
it. Here he has a guinea pig killin' a moose be bitin' it in th' ear.
Now it is notoryous to anny lover iv th' wilds, anny man with a fondness
f'r these monarchs iv forests, that no moose can be kilt be a wound in
th' ear. I have shot a thousand in th' ear with no bad effects beyond
makin' thim hard iv hearin'.


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