"Well, what's to be done about it? I can't change me face an' there's no
legal way iv removin' it. Th' Prisidint writes to th' Gov'nor, th'
Gov'nor requests th' Sheriff, th' Sheriff speaks to th' Mayor, th' Mayor
desires th' Chief iv Polis, th' Chief iv Polis ordhers th' polisman on
th' beat, an' th' polisman on th' beat commands me to take me alarmin'
visage out iv th' public view. Suppose I go down to see me counsel,
Barrister Hogan. He tells me that undher th' rights guaranteed to me be
th' Constitution, which Gawd defind an' help in these here days, an' me
liquor license, I'm entitled to stick me tongue in me cheek, wink, roll
up me nose, wiggle me hands fr'm me ears, bite me thumb, or say 'Pooh'
to any black-an'-tan I meet.
"Thin what happens? Th' first thing I know a shell loaded with dynnymite
dhrops into th' lap iv some frind iv mine in San Francisco; a party iv
Jap'nese land in Boston an' scalp th' wigs off th' descindants iv John
Hancock an' Sam Adams; an' Tiddy Rosenfelt is discovered undher a bed
with a small language book thryin' to larn to say 'Spare me' in th'
Jap'nese tongue. And me name goes bouncin' down to histhry as a man that
brought roon to his counthry, an' two hundherd years fr'm now little
childer atin' their milk with chop sticks in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will
curse me f'r me wickedness instead iv blessin' th' mimry iv a man that
done so much to keep their fathers fr'm hurryin' home at night.
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