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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

An' afther all, th'
improvemint iv th' moral tone is, gintlemen, a far graver matther thin
anny mere physical question. We know fr'm expeeryence in South Africa
that th' charmin' bullet now undher discussion did much to change
conditions in that enlightened an' juicy part iv his Majesty's domains.
Th' darky that happened to stop wan was all th' betther f'r it. He
retired fr'm labor an' give up his squalid an' bigamious life,' he says.
'I am in favor, howiver, iv restrictin' their use to encounters with
races that we properly considher infeeryor,' he says. Th' dillygate fr'm
Sinagambya rose to a question iv privilege. 'State ye'er question iv
privilege,' says th' chairman. 'I wud like to have th' windows open,'
says th' dillygate fr'm Sinagambya. 'I feel faint,' he says.
"Th' Honorable Joe Choate, dillygate fr'm th' United States, moved that
in future wars enlisted men shud not wear ear-rings. Carried, on'y Italy
votin' no.
"Th' conference thin discussed blowin' up th' inimy with dinnymite,
poisinin' him, shootin' th' wounded, settin' fire to infants, bilin'
prisoners-iv-war in hot lard, an' robbin' graves. Some excitemint was
created durin' th' talk be th' dillygate fr'm th' cannybal islands who
proposed that prisoners-iv-war be eaten.


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