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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

Th' German dillygate thought
that this was carryin' a specyal gift iv wan power too far. It wud give
th' cannybal islands a distinct advantage in case iv war, as Europeen
sojers were accustomed to horses. Th' English dillygate said that while
much cud be said against a practice which personally seemed to him
rather unsportsmanlike, still he felt he must reserve th' right iv anny
cannybal allies iv Brittanya to go as far as they liked. Th'
Hon'orable Joe Choate moved that in future wars no military band shud be
considered complete without a base-dhrum. Carrid.
"Th' entire South American dillygation said that no nation ought to go
to war because another nation wanted to put a bill on th' slate. Th'
English dillygate was much incensed. 'Why, gintlemen', says he, 'if ye
deprived us iv th' right to collect debts be killin' th' debtor ye wud
take away fr'm war its entire moral purpose. I must ask ye again to
cease thinkin' on this subjick in a gross mateeryal way an' considher
th' moral side alone,' he says. Th' conference was much moved be this
pathetic speech, th' dillygate fr'm France wept softly into his
hankerchef, an' th' dillygate fr'm Germany wint over an' forcibly took
an open-face goold watch fr'm th' dillygate fr'm Vinzwala.


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