If it hadn't been that whin I was a boy I won th'
hundred yards at th' University iv Slambang in two hours an' forty
minyits, an' if it hadn't happened that I was lightly dhressed in a
summer overskirt an' a thin blouse, an' if th' German hadn't stopped to
steal me garters, I wudden't be here at this moment,' says he. 'Was that
war or wasn't it?' he says. 'It was an expedition,' says th' dillygate
fr'm England, 'to serve th' high moral jooties iv Christyan
civvylization.' 'Thin,' says th' dillygate fr'm Chiny, puttin' on his
hat, 'I'm f'r war,' he says. 'It ain't so rough,' he says. An' he wint
home."
TURKISH POLITICS
"Well, sir," said Mr. Dooley, "onaisy lies th' crown on anny king's head
these days. Th' time was whin it was me ambition or wan iv thim to be a
king. Arly in life I'd committed the youthful folly iv bein' born
outside iv th' counthry an' so I cuddent be Prisidint. But it don't make
anny diff'rence what counthry a king comes from so long as he don't come
fr'm th' counthry where he's king. 'No natives need apply,' is th'
motto. If a counthry is so bad off that it has to have a king, they sind
a comity down to Ellis Island an' pick out a good healthy Scandinavyan,
make him throw away his wooden shoes an' leather cap, an' proclaim him
king, Definder iv th' Faith.
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