No, sir, I'd niver appear in public but wanst a year, an' thin I'd
blindfold me lile subjicks so that they'd stay lile. An' I'd niver open
me mouth excipt to command music an' dhrink. But th' low taste iv kings
has rooned th' business as a pursoot f'r gintlemen, an' to-day I'd think
twict befure takin' th' job. 'Tis as preecaryous as a steeple jack's,
an' no more permanent thin a Rosenfelt holdover undher Taft. If a king
goes out an' looks haughty some wan iv his subjicks fires a gas pipe
bomb at him, an' if he thries to be janial he's li'ble to be slapped on
th' back in th' paddock an' called 'Joe.'
"Look at me frind, Abdul Hamid. Whin I dhreamed iv bein' king, sometimes
I let me mind run on till I had mesilf promoted to be Sultan iv Turkey.
There, me boy, was a job that always plazed me. It was well paid, it
looked to be permanent, and I thought it about th' best situation in th'
wurruld. Th' Sultan was a kind iv a combination iv pope an' king. If he
didn't like ye, he first excommunicated ye an' thin he sthrangled ye.
There, thinks I to mesilf, there he sets, th' happy old ruffyan, on a
silk embroidered lounge, in his hand-wurruked slippers, with his legs
curled up undher him, a turban on his head, a crooked soord in his lap,
a pitcher iv sherbet (which is th' dhrink in thim parts) at his elbow, a
pipestem like a hose in his hand, while nightingales whistle in th'
cypress threes in th' garden an' beautiful Circassyan ladies dance in
front iv him far fr'm his madding throng iv wives, as th' pote says.
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