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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"


"Whin th' sicrety iv th' threasury wants to repoort to him, he starts
fr'm his office on his stomach an' wriggles into th' august prisince.
'What is it ye want, oh head iv lignum vity?' says th' Sultan. 'Bark f'r
th' ladies,' says he with a chuckle. 'Oh, descindant iv th' prophet,
whose name be blest! Oh, sun an' moon an' stars, whose frown is death
an' whose smile is heaven to th' faithful;--' 'Don't be so familyar with
me first name,' says th' Sultan, 'but go on with ye'er contimptible
supplication,' says he. 'Ye'er slave,' says th' sicrety iv th' threasury
fr'm th' flure, 'is desthroyed with grief to tell ye that afther
standin' th' intire empire on its head he's been onable to shake out
more thin two millyon piasthres f'r this week's expinses iv ye'er
awfulness,' says he. 'What!' says th' sultan, 'two millyon
piasthres--bar'ly enough to buy bur-rd seed f'r me bulbuls,' says he.
'How dare ye come into me august prisince with such an insult. Lave it
on th' flure f'r th' boy that sweeps up, oh, son iv a tailor,' he says,
an' he gives a nod an' fr'm behind a curtain comes Jawn Johnson with
little on him, an' th' next thing ye hear iv th' faithless minister is a
squeak an' a splash. He rules be love alone, thinks I, an' feelin' that
life without love is useless, annybody that don't love him can go an'
get measured f'r a name plate an' be sure he'll need it befure th' price
is lower.


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