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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

His people worship him an' why shudden't they. He allows thim
to keep all th' dogs they want, he proticts thim fr'm dissolute habits
be takin' their loose money fr'm thim, an' ivry year he gives thim an
Armeenyan massacree which is a great help to th' cigareet business in
this counthry.
"Happy Abdul, thinks I. If I cud be a haythen an' was a marryin' man,
'tis ye'er soft spot I'd like to land in f'r me declinin' days. So whin
I r-read in th' pa-apers that there was a rivolution startin' to fire
Abdul Hamid, I says to mesilf: 'A fine chance ye've got, me lads. That
old boy will be holdin' down his job whin there's a resignation fr'm th'
supreeme coort bench at Wash'nton,' says I. 'Th' first thing ye young
Turks know ye'll-be gettin' a prisent fr'm ye'er sov'reign iv a
necktie,' says I, 'an' it won't fit ye,' says I.
"Well, sir, I was wrong. I knew I was wrong th' minyit I see a pitcher
iv Abdul Hamid in th' pa-aper--a snap-shot, mind ye! Think of that,
will ye? D'ye suppose a sultan or a king that knew his thrade wud iver
let anny wan take a snap-shot iv him? Did ye iver hear iv Alexander th'
Gr-reat or Napoleon Bonyparte havin' a snap-shot took iv him? No, sir.
Whin they wanted to satisfy th' vulgar curiosity iv th' popylace to know
what their lord looked like, they chained an artist to a wall in th'
cellar of th' palace an', says they: 'Now set down an' paint a pitcher
iv me that will get ye out iv here,' says they.


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