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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley Says"

But he made a gallant recovery with a vaccuum
cleaner an' was aven with th' prisidint in four. Th' prisidint was
slightly to th' left in th' long grass on his fifth, but, nawthin'
daunted, he took a hoe an' was well out in siven. Both players were in
th' first bunker in eight, th' sicrety iv war havin' flubbed his sixth
an' bein' punished f'r overdarin' on th' siventh. Th' prisidint was
first out iv th' bunker at a quarther past two, his opponent followin'
at exactly three sixteen. Th' prisidint was within hailin' distance iv
home on his sixteenth shot, while his opponent had played eighteen. But
th' pace had been too swift an' it was merely a question iv which wud be
th' first to crack. That misfortune fell to th' lot iv th' sicrety iv
war. Findin' himsilf in a bad lie, he undhertook to use a brassy in a
spirit iv nawthin' venture nawthin' gain. It was raaly a brillyant shot.
A foot nearer th' ball an' he might have accomplished a feat in
golufing histhry. But th' luck iv war was against him an' he sthruck
himsilf upon th' ankle. Th' prisidint, resolvin' to give him no mercy,
took his dhriver an' made a sterling carry to within thirty yards iv th'
green. There was now nawthin' to it. Continuin' to play with great dash,
but always prudently, he had a sure putt iv not more thin forty feet to
bate th' records f'r prisidints f'r this hole, a record that was
established be th' prisident iv th' Women's Christyan Timp'rance Union
in nineteen hundhred an' three.


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